What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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