Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize