I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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