It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
