his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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