i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
