I think my vagina is haunted
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
