I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
