The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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