Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize