if you like me you must not know who I am
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Boobs speak an international language.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
