I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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