Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
