mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The air was thick with penises
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
