You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
