Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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