Me. At least after what I've been through.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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