I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
