Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
