Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
