what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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