I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
