im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize