i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
