Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize