Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize