if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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