careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
