pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
