Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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