He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
