I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
