yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish you could order shots online.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
