so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
