dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the condom got lost in my hair
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
