i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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