he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
