ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
