wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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