Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
