You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
