my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
