i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you never un-have a 4some
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
