She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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