Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
