I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
