why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
