I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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