tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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