Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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