We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish i was in the wii world.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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