i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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