I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
