Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
