drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
