Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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