Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
time to smoke my breakfast
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
