Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
