How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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