My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
