butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
