where am i from again
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize