go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
