Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
