There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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