I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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