i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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