I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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