I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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